SELF CARE
Is Being a Perfectionist Quietly Holding You Back?
By Riley Rae
Published on January19, 2026
credits to: Filipa Matos / Dupe
Perfectionism Looks Like a Strength
Perfectionism has a good reputation. It’s often praised as discipline, high standards, or simply “caring a lot.” From the outside, it can look like ambition or dedication—the kind of trait that should lead to success. Many perfectionists grow up believing that doing things right is the same as doing things well. But over time, what starts as motivation can turn into a quiet form of pressure that follows you everywhere.
Instead of pushing you forward, perfectionism can make everyday tasks feel heavier than they need to be. You hesitate before starting. You overthink small decisions. You tell yourself you’ll act once you’re more prepared, more confident, or more certain. And slowly, without realizing it, perfectionism stops being helpful and starts becoming a barrier.
The Invisible Ways Perfectionism Holds You Back
Perfectionism rarely announces itself as a problem. It shows up in subtle ways—unfinished projects, delayed decisions, and a constant sense that you’re behind, even when you’re trying your hardest. You might spend so much time refining ideas that you never share them. Or you may avoid starting altogether because the fear of doing it wrong feels worse than not doing it at all.
In everyday life, this can look like over-preparing for conversations, rewriting messages repeatedly, or avoiding opportunities unless you’re sure you’ll excel. Progress slows down, not because you lack ability, but because your standards leave no room for learning through imperfection.
When Fear Disguises Itself as High Standards
At its core, perfectionism is often less about excellence and more about fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of not being “enough” once the outcome is visible. Holding yourself to impossible standards can feel like a form of control—if everything is perfect, nothing can go wrong. But life doesn’t work that way.
Instead of protecting you, perfectionism can shrink your world. You take fewer risks. You play it safe. You stay in familiar routines, even when you want more. Over time, this creates frustration and self-doubt, because deep down you know you’re capable of growth—you just don’t feel free enough to try.
How Perfectionism Affects Your Energy and Joy
Living with perfectionism is exhausting. There’s always something to fix, improve, or rethink. Even achievements don’t feel satisfying, because your mind immediately jumps to what could’ve been better. Rest feels undeserved. Joy feels temporary.
In everyday moments, this can disconnect you from the present. You’re so focused on outcomes that you miss the experience itself. Simple tasks become stressful. Creativity feels blocked. And instead of feeling proud of your effort, you’re left feeling like you’re never quite measuring up—to your own expectations.
Choosing Progress Over Perfection
Perfectionism promises control, respect, and success. But what it often delivers is delay, anxiety, and a constant sense of insufficiency. You don’t need to be perfect to move forward. You don’t need to have everything figured out to begin. And you don’t need to earn your worth through flawless execution.
When you allow room for imperfection, things feel lighter. Decisions become easier, starting feels possible even with doubt, and progress happens through doing, not waiting. That mindset may have once pushed you to achieve, but if it’s now keeping you stuck or constantly second-guessing yourself, it may no longer serve you. Sometimes it comes from starting messy, showing up unsure, and giving yourself permission to begin anyway.
